Review of Saga of the Jewels Vol.1: The Fire Ruby

In Get Started in Writing Young Adult Fiction, big deal literary agent Juliet Mushens writes this:

“Once you have put your novel away for a month and then read it through, I want you to take out a fresh piece of paper and write a 750-word review of your book, as if you were a critic. Spend a few lines summarizing the plot and genre of the book, then analyse its strengths as well as its weaknesses. If you finish it and do not think that there are any weaknesses, then you are a one-of-a-kind prodigy, and you need to go back and read it again after another month has passed. What makes your book unique? Are the characters believable? Did you want to know what happened at the end? Did it follow a traditional three-act structure and build towards a climax? Does it have a satisfying conclusion or does it leave you wanting more? Try to analyse objectively its strengths, as well as looking at the areas which need work.”

-Mushens, Juliet, Get Started in Writing Young Adult Fiction: How to write inspiring fiction for young readers (Teach Yourself) (John Murray Press: Kindle Edition), p. 137.

So, having just finished listening to all of the audiobook of the web serial version of Saga of the Jewels season/volume one again, I wrote such an editorial letter to myself about it before starting to edit it.

Here it is, in case anyone wants to see what this process is like or is considering reading/listening to Saga of the Jewels season one:

Editorial review of Saga of the Jewels Vol.1: The Fire Ruby

SAGA OF THE JEWELS VOLUME ONE: THE FIRE RUBY is a young adult high fantasy novel in the classic fantasy tradition.

Ryn Orvisson is a teenage boy whose hometown is attacked and burned to the ground by the Morekemian Empire, when everyone he has ever known is murdered. Just before Ryn’s father dies he gives him a ring with a ruby set into it. Touching this ruby enables Ryn to use fire magic and save himself from being killed, but not from capture by the Imperial General Vorr, who takes the ruby and keeps Ryn captive for further questioning later. By exploiting a series of opportunities Ryn manages to escape from the Imperials and sets out on a revenge quest to find and kill General Vorr and recover the Fire Ruby. Along the way he meets several characters who all have their own reasons for traveling with him in the direction of General Vorr, including: Nuthea the lightning-slinging paladin-princess; Sagar the swaggering skypirate rogue; Elrann the tomboy engineer; Cid the wizened old healer-cleric; and Vish the poppy-seed-addicted assassin. Together they navigate obstacles to eventually track Vorr to Nuthea’s homeland, to which she is trying to return, and confront him and his battalion in an epic battle, where Ryn discovers revenge isn’t necessarily all he thought it would be…

THE FIRE RUBY is a fun novel with a lot of heart and moments of deep seriousness. It is situated very much in the classic fantasy tradition with its young farmboy awakening to magical powers and heading out on a quest with an accumulating adventure party in search of a mystical jewel. Clear influences and correspondences here include other traditional high fantasies such as THE CHRONICLES OF PRYDAIN (though those are middle grade books, while this is YA), ERAGON, THE ELFSTONES OF SHANNARA and, as ever, THE LORD OF THE RINGS. Its elemental magic system recalls TV shows and books such as AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER, THE SWORD OF KAIGEN and CODEX ALERA, and its self-conscious use of RPG tropes recalls books and games such as DRAGONLANCE, DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS, and the FINAL FANTASY series (in fact the author states that the book was deliberately written as ‘a novelization of an original Final Fantasy game that doesn’t exist as a game’, and the very first draft was first posted on FanFiction Dot Net as Final Fantasy fan fiction).

In these ways it is a not-too-long, competently written standard traditional young adult high fantasy novel with an elemental magic system, an ensemble cast, and some moments of brilliance.

It is these moments of brilliance that stand out and which could be polished further so that it really shines: Firstly, it is reasonably well written. Unlike many people who produce this sort of novel, Faenon has studied writing craft a little and actually knows a bit about how to write, grounding his story in sensory detail, sticking strictly to one point of view character, and showing much more than he tells (except when skipping over the uninteresting bits between scenes-sequels and/or summarizing large amounts of monotonous travel, of course). The plot races along at a blistering pace with the next life-endangering battle or game-changing revelation never far away, though there are also moments to breathe and laugh, and builds to a satisfying and internally coherent climax. The first half of the novel consists of Ryn gradually accumulating the other party members, the second of their pursuing and closing in on General Vorr.

The characters, while they might initially appear to be stereotypes inspired as they are by tropes, are on closer acquaintance well-rounded and more than mere cardboard-cutouts serving the plot, each having their own individual voices, agendas, motivations, backstories, hidden depths and capacity for moral growth (giving them potential for development in future story arcs).

However, the most original and interesting part of the novel consists in the theological discussions between the different characters: Some are monotheists, some polytheists, some atheists, and some agnostics, and all to different degrees of fervour and commitment. This nuanced diversity means that whenever they argue about their different beliefs, including about why fate has apparently brought them all together, we get some amusing polyphonic debate complete with thought-provoking reflection on such issues as free will versus predestination, the nature of faith, and the way in which different people’s beliefs can influence one another. (This makes sense, given that the author has allegedly studied Theology and Philosophy to Oxford PhD level and currently teaches high school Religion and Philosophy).

Nonetheless, like any novel this one is not perfect. While it has been written competently and synthesizes its influences well, it must be said that there is not a huge amount that is new here and readers looking for a radically original or fresh take on the genre or formula will be disappointed. Its most distinctive aspect resides in the aforementioned theological explorations, however these do not take up a huge amount of space and could be developed further to make the book more original. The protagonist Ryn can at times be annoying and prone to long whinges when he is upset about something, which could be toned down. Also the writing, while competent, is not outstanding and could do with another edit for originality and brevity, occasionally falling as it does into cliché, over-description, use of unnecessary words and repetition of stock phrases or ideas.

The opening, while immediate and visceral, is very familiar, so much so as to be formulaic, and might present an early stumbling block to some readers. The chapter where we discover some of Cid’s backstory is also too long-winded and a bit jumbled, and could be revised for both length and coherence. And while the hero-characters are not one-dimensional, the villain arguably is, and the villains of the Saga could do with some more exploration and deepening.

Lastly, a genuine criticism of THE FIRE RUBY is that it is too short! It runs to a pacey 100,000 words, but with further editing this count will come down, and with its fast narrator that only makes for a 9-hour audiobook. By the end although the major plot line is resolved, a whole new massive one has opened up and it feels like the story has really only just begun. This makes sense given that the book was first published as the first season of a web / audio serial which is still ongoing. The ensemble cast of characters still have lots of room to grow and a good deal of their backstories still to be explored, along with much to achieve in their world in order to save it from its Evil Empire. Lots more of the Saga still needs to be written, and this series could build and build and build.

All in all, I would recommend SAGA OF THE JEWELS VOLUME ONE: THE FIRE RUBY to anyone looking for an ‘action-oriented traditional YA high fantasy with an elemental magic system and an ensemble cast adventuring party on a quest, with some philosophical-theological reflections thrown in for good measure’.

If you like that sort of thing, it’s a great example of that sort of thing!

*

Do you agree, disagree with my assessment? Any further feedback, encouragement, constructive criticism on SOTJ vol1? If anyone reads this, let me know in the comments!